my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
