meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
My hand turned me down
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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