are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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