She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
