I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
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