when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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