i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
