what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
