Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
