you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
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