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Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Randomize
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