Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Randomize
