dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.