Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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