let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
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woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
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He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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