I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
