farters have to be the big spoon...
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
