What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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