I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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