You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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