Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
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