and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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