Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
meet me or not, i'm out of control
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
