that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
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