apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
