Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
