and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
