I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
