sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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