I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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