one word: firstdatebathroomanal
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
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