The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize