Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
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alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Someone shattered a urinal.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
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Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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