Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
