By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
