So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
