Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
