Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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