you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I need a beard to bite.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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