Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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