The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
