you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
