I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
