do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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