fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Randomize
