So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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