I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
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