I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Randomize
