Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
