hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
