My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
