the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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