i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
