Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
