I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Randomize
