So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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