i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I just blew my weed a kiss
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
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