all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
