Your tits are I can't wait for
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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