Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
The adults are the big ones right?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
