I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
