ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Randomize
