if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
So here I am, sexting at work.
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