Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
