would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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