Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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