Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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