life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
