.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
You ruined the universe
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
