hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
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you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
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so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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