To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
