conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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