Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
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