In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
